“We’re not like tanga naman”

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From Yugatech, an open letter to Lt/SG Antonio Trillanes IV. It’s a joke of twofold funniness; obtuse jabs against the mutineers, alongside a not-so-subtle parody of showbiz-induced upper-class Filipino cluelessness about the political issues involved.

Mahal kong Lt. SG Antonio Trillanes IV,

Magandang umaga. Nawa’y maigi ang iyong kalagayan d’yan sa stockade. Magpahinga ka muna bago ka humarap sa court martial. Hindi bale nang litisin ka, nakapag-stay sa naman sa Oakwood, samantalang kami, pinaasa mong walang pasok ngayon. KJ ka talaga.

Sinulat ko ang liham na ito para puriin ka sa iyong kagitingan na ipaalam sa buong sambayanang Pilipino ang kabulukang nangyayari sa ating Gobyerno.

Mabuhay ka.

Ang problema nga lang, alam na namin lahat iyon, Kapitan Trillanes. Hindi na ninyo kailangan pang magtanim ng bomba at magpapogi sa inyong mga

fatigues para lang ipaalam sa buong madla na may mga katiwalian sa gobyerno.

Hindi tuloy ako nakapanood ng Terminator 3, eh malapit nang mawala sa sine ‘yon. Okay sana kung nagbakbakan kayo ng mga sundalo ng gobyerno.

Mala-THE ROCK saka DIE HARD sana ang nangyari. Kaso, nagsisisigaw lamang kayo sa lobby ng Oakwood. Para ano pa ang inyong mga armband? Sabagay pwede na kayong magtayo ng boutique na ang brand name ay Magdalo.

Pwde kayong magtinda ng mga armbands, fatigue-inspired pants, caps at shades. Ipwesto nyo dyan sa Oakwood para strategic ang location at may sentimental value pa. Bebenta kayo, promise.

Sa launch ng inyong boutique, pwede kayong maglagay ng mga bomba sa parking lot tapos magpaparty kayo doon. Masaya di ba?

Mabalik tayo sa layunin ng liham na ito. Yung sinasabi mong nagbebenta si Secretary Reyes ng bala sa mga rebelde, aba, lumang balita na ‘yan. Alam na naming mga ordinaryong tao yan. Bakit? Kaugalian na nating mga Pilipino ang mag-sideline di ba? Sa opisina nga

namin may nagtitinda ng tsinelas, beads, tocino, tapa, muffins saka bags.

Eh hayaan mo nang magbenta si Secretary Reyes ng bala sa kanila, baka gawang Taiwan lang naman yung mga bala na ‘yon. Mahirap buhay eh, magkano lang naman sweldo ni Secretary Reyes. Malamang lumilihis yung mga bala o kaya puro supot.

Yun namang sinasabi mong si GMA ang nag-utos ng pambobomba sa Davao, alam na rin naming mga Pilipino ‘yon. Kaw naman, Kapitan Trillanes, sa

pagka-tsismoso nating mga Pilipino, sino ba naman hindi nakakaalam na gobyerno gumagawa ng mga kalokohang ‘yon?

Plaza Miranda, Jabidah Massacre, pagpatay kay Ninoy, Rizal Day bombings, At kung anu-ano pang kababalaghan, alam na naming gobyerno gumagawa. Hindi naman kami istupido noh! Sabi nga ng mga taga-Assumption, “We’re not like tanga naman…”

Ang drama-drama mo masyado, eh kami namang mga ordinaryong tao tinatawanan na lang mga katiwalian sa gobyerno. May linya ka pang “we’re ready to die for our principles.”

Huuu…if I know, gusto mo lang magpa-spa sa Oakwood kasi sira na ang iyong kutis dahil sa kagat ng lamok sa Basilan. Dapat sinabi mo na lang sa akin, may murang spa dyan sa Quezon Avenue, may “extra” pa.

Ayan tuloy, nagsara Glorietta ng isang isang araw. Lagot ka, milyon Nalugi sa mga Ayala. Baka pabayaran lahat sa ‘yo yan. At saka naman Kapitan Trillanes, next time kayo magta-take over ng anumang lugar, ‘wag naman sa mall. Hindi bagay sa inyong mga fatigues and armbands. Sino ba scriptwriter ninyo? Tsugiin! Mali ang location ng action! Ni walang symbolic o strategic meaning ang Oakwood.

Hindi kayo nanood ng THE ROCK ano? Hay nako, may pasok tuloy ngayon. Nabitin kami. Pogi points ka pa sa mga girls kasi ang guapo mo sa fatigue. Yun nga lang, you didn’t die for your principles. May paiyak-iyak and hug pa kayo.

Kaya kayo tinatawanan ng Abu Sayyaf, malalambot ang puso ninyo, madrama kayo masyado. Ganyan ba kayo sa Basilan? ‘Pag rat-ratan na, nagyayakapan na lang kayo at umiiyak? God, it’s so nakakahiya naman to the enemy.

Hay nako, Kapitan Trillanes, mag-direct ka na lang ng pelikula ha? Tingin ko mas magaling ka pa kay Ang Lee kasi militar ka talaga. Maganda yung mga subplots na naisip mo. Maganda rin yung mga dialogue mo.

‘Pag nag-direct ka na ng movie, make sure may bakbakang matindi sa huli. Yung tipong mawawarak yung buong building. Yun, mas exciting, hindi yung katulad kahapon.

Nagmamahal,

Ang iyong tagahanga

In related news, the poor hungry mutineers are consumers, too.

(Yuga was the guy who replaced me as web executive at MyPhilippines.com when I left the position to pursue greener pastures with New Media Archives in 2000. From his own site and his work on Pinoyblog.com, you can see he has an eye for the trade.)

August is coming.

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The month of August tends to be a nodal time of year for me. With the exception of my graduations from ADMU and MICA (which happened in March and May respectively), and last March’s jump, the momentous, life-changing transitions always seem to rock my existence just as August comes.

It was the August after my college graduation that I made the difficult decision to assert my independence and move out of my parents’ house to a tiny room in Parañaque, where I would spend three years of my life learning the ropes of subsistence living as a middle-class Filipino.

It was mid-August in my college freshman year that I first gave a rose to a girl — a girl who would suddenly leave me eight years later, in the same month.

August of two years ago, I left my web design position in MyPhilippines.com to seek my fortune in digital archiving. During the month-long lull between jobs, I decided to take Raffy’s advice and see what the big deal was about these things he called “blogs…”

Last August, after five months living and working in Washington, DC, I moved to the third floor of a creaky Baltimore rowhouse in Little Italy, rented from an Irish painter and art teacher. The deal: he would teach me to paint, I would teach him web design. (It never really pushed through, as life got in the way, what with a year of fulltime school and work taking up every waking hour, but I’ve showed him around some Dreamweaver, at least.)

And that’s how I’ve been living for the past eleven months: study three days a week, work the other two days. After graduating last May, it turned into work every weekday, entailing a daily rail commute between Baltimore and Washington which involved anywhere from one to four trains, two buses, and no small amount of walking between Little Italy and Dupont Circle. That three hour round trip is taxing, most especially the part where I have to deal with the tribulations of Baltimore public transit. I’m bone-weary, and it shows.

August is rolling around again, and all that’s about to change.

Makati Mutiny in the Media

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“Absurdist entertainment,” says a scathing Asia Times Op-Ed piece of the Sunday mutiny — and of Filipino politics in general.

Time Asia Mag has an article, from the day of the mutiny, which, on its face, seems to be about Gloria and religion, but barely even brushes the topic after the first few paragraphs.

Now here’s something juicy: a firsthand account of negotiations with the mutineers by Philippine Star editor-in-chief Max Soliven, who was called in to be a negotiator himself. Love or hate the man, the account is very much worth reading. (And you know what I hate about Philstar’s website? No reliable archives. Read that link quick before it disappears, because the archived copy ain’t loading.) Interesting postscript near the bottom: Soliven thinks that the arrest of Erap aide Ramon Cardenas stinks of a setup. I’m inclined to agree. As everyone says, there’s more going on than meets the eye.

One thing that surprises me is how much play the mutiny story is getting in the mainstream international media. This is big stuff for Philippine and SE Asian news outlets, of course, but the auto-generated Google News has mostly had the story in its top spot since it broke, as have CNN.com and MSNBC. (Although I just checked the latter two, and the mutiny story has now been relegated to the inside international news pages.) Why the prominence of an international news story which wouldn’t normally be of interest to the average American pundit? Or would it?

The Passing of Barbe and Bob

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Sad passings today: Bob Hope, King of Comedy, and Jane Barbe, ubiquitous prerecorded telephone voice.

Bob Hope, the legendary comedian whose quick wit, daring personality and ski-sloped nose made him an icon of 20th-century entertainment, has died. He was 100.

One of the most recognizable voices in the country was silenced Tuesday. Jane Barbe, who recorded messages used by telephone companies across the country, died of complications from cancer at the age of 74.

Artscape

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I just got back from Artscape, a sprawling arts fair set up over the weekend in Baltimore’s Mt. Royal area. MICA colleagues Tag and Steve were there, watching some excellent live performances from Afrocelts (world beats) and Thievery Corp (classy electronica). I’m not normally into that kind of music, but these guys were pretty good.

Arts and crafts pavilions consisted largely of the usual: paintings, mounted Baltimore/New York photos, bead bracelets and necklaces, jewelry and themed furniture, ethnic clothes, all quite grossly overpriced. There were a few diamonds in the rough, though: antique salt shakers turned into decorative tassels, colorful hand-carved wooden animal figurines, insect pins made from beads and amber, and an exquisite collection of Japanese porcelainware.

Oh, and the absolute best darn chicken tenders I’ve ever had, bar none.

iBook: Nemesis

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As of last Thursday, my iBook is back in the shop for ten more days due to a bad video cable. Yes, I’m very annoyed. For now, I’ve revived my old Dell PII-300 notebook, which I’m very glad I had not sold yet. Until I get the iBook back, further development on this site and other projects will have to halt. But at least I have more time to read.