“Admiral, if we were to go by the book…”

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Internet Monk. Michael Spencer has written so much great stuff that I barely know where to start. His creationism essay is what originally attracted me, following a link from comments in I.T.I.N.A.S.D. on Genesis: 1, 2, 3. (Please note that the linked Josh, being a Lutheran incarnation of Maddox, may have a tendency to curse the air blue.)

Being a noncommittal old-earther myself, the 24-hour creation day was left behind me ages ago. But that doesn’t mean I look down on the faith of literal young-earthers, nor did I choose to denounce old-earthists when I was once a vapor-canopy-seeker. As with differences over speaking in tongues, liturgical worship, and baptismal methodology, I regard the creationism debate as one which pales before the joy of our salvation, assured in Christ alone. We can talk about it as brothers (and sisters) today, just as we will laugh over our past theological differences when we get to the Kingdom, sipping from goblets of ambrosia.

Bonus points to anyone who figures out the reference in this post’s title and its relevance to the topic.

Update: The Star Trek reference should be evident to any die-hard Wrath of Khan fan. Spock coded his message to Admiral Kirk using “hours seeming like days,” which I used as an allusion to the “days-as-ages” of Genesis 1. And of course, one of the movie’s pivotal plot elements was Project Genesis, the Instant-Creation device stolen by Khan. I will stop right there before I start sounding like a CBG.

Maids a-Milking

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Ship of Fools’ Twelve Days of Kitschmas is out. I don’t think any Catholic household should go without a Bobblehead Mary. And for the Christian who needs a hug, what better hug to give than a Well Done Jesus Hug? Gifts should only be cleaned with Bar of Faith Prayer Soap and anointed only with Harvest Warriors Sacred Anointing Oil.

Too blasphemous? Okay, then go to Dave Barry’s Holiday Guift Guide instead. I hear the Haircut Umbrella can also double as a personal perimeter forcefield for crowded subway cars. And the Bubble Buddy Bacon Flavored Dog Bubbles jokes practically write themselves.

As Seen On…

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Date.com banner ad on Hotmail I saw her on a Hotmail banner ad for Date.com, and instantly it triggered the faint echo of a memory. I knew this girl. Where had I seen her before? Had I met her? Was she a passing face on the Metro? A neighbor in my building or an old classmate at MICA?

Dermatalogically tested! Then I saw her again. As I browsed the shelves at the corner CVS Pharmacy, her face appeared before me, smiling that same young, mysterious, creamy-skinned, wrinkle-free smile.

Not only is it the same girl, but it’s the same stock photo of her, just flipped horizontally.

FluFluWooWoo

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I joined the panic yesterday and got a mind control flu shot in my left deltoid. The vaccination was followed next morning by a stiff, aching left shoulder and a mildly sore throat — not the flu itself, but the body’s own mild reaction to inactive viruses as it builds up antibodies. The aches and pains swiftly departed as I went about my morning chores.

LaRush’s archived flu shot woes come out near the top of Google’s search results for “flu shot mind control,” attracting comments from conspiracy theorists, ALLCAPS SHOUTERS, and 13 year old posters. Scroll down to the bottom, where I leave a quick response explaining the source of all the “woowoo” comments. Immediately after, I am pejoratively labeled a “woowoo” myself by someone linking to Prophecy and Preparedness.

What’s a “woowoo,” you ask? I first noticed the term on Phil Plait’s “Galileo Will Not Nuke Jupiter” page, and took it as a reference to paranoid conspiracy theorists. The WooWoo Credo lays down guidelines for being an authentic foil-hat internet woowoo. Perhaps the most alarmingly prolific woowoo I’ve seen is Kathaksung, who has obsessively cross-posted an encyclopedic “dark side of USA” list of government conspiracies to dozens of message boards and mailing lists, including PEX.

Beware the Black Helicopters.