Celebrity Weirdness Roundup

2003-12-11.

Ship of Fools’ Twelve Days of Kitschmas is out. I don’t think any Catholic household should go without a Bobblehead Mary. And for the Christian who needs a hug, what better hug to give than a Well Done Jesus Hug? Gifts should only be cleaned with Bar of Faith Prayer Soap and anointed only with Harvest Warriors Sacred Anointing Oil.

Too blasphemous? Okay, then go to Dave Barry’s Holiday Guift Guide instead. I hear the Haircut Umbrella can also double as a personal perimeter forcefield for crowded subway cars. And the Bubble Buddy Bacon Flavored Dog Bubbles jokes practically write themselves.

As Seen On…

2003-12-10.

Date.com banner ad on Hotmail I saw her on a Hotmail banner ad for Date.com, and instantly it triggered the faint echo of a memory. I knew this girl. Where had I seen her before? Had I met her? Was she a passing face on the Metro? A neighbor in my building or an old classmate at MICA?

Dermatalogically tested! Then I saw her again. As I browsed the shelves at the corner CVS Pharmacy, her face appeared before me, smiling that same young, mysterious, creamy-skinned, wrinkle-free smile.

Not only is it the same girl, but it’s the same stock photo of her, just flipped horizontally.

Yawnni

2003-12-10.

Once upon a time, I listened to Patrick O’Hearn, Ray Lynch, and Manheim Steamroller, and I loved it. Today, however, today’s New Age Music is crap, because of C chords and ocean sounds. (Note: some profanity in The Onion link.)

I blame Enya.

FluFluWooWoo

2003-12-10.

I joined the panic yesterday and got a ~~mind control~~ flu shot in my left deltoid. The vaccination was followed next morning by a stiff, aching left shoulder and a mildly sore throat — not the flu itself, but the body’s own mild reaction to inactive viruses as it builds up antibodies. The aches and pains swiftly departed as I went about my morning chores.

LaRush’s archived flu shot woes come out near the top of Google’s search results for “flu shot mind control,” attracting comments from conspiracy theorists, ALLCAPS SHOUTERS, and 13 year old posters. Scroll down to the bottom, where I leave a quick response explaining the source of all the “woowoo” comments. Immediately after, I am pejoratively labeled a “woowoo” myself by someone linking to Prophecy and Preparedness.

What’s a “woowoo,” you ask? I first noticed the term on Phil Plait’s “Galileo Will Not Nuke Jupiter” page, and took it as a reference to paranoid conspiracy theorists. The WooWoo Credo lays down guidelines for being an authentic foil-hat internet woowoo. Perhaps the most alarmingly prolific woowoo I’ve seen is Kathaksung, who has obsessively cross-posted an encyclopedic “dark side of USA” list of government conspiracies to dozens of message boards and mailing lists, including PEX.

Beware the Black Helicopters.

Yes, Virginia, There Was An Earthquake

2003-12-09.

Coworker’s mom just called from Richmond to tell him that they had just felt a moderate earthquake. (Latest info is in the USGS data.) Apparently it was felt here in DC, too.

55 seconds ago