My friends from college and after-college can attest to my gradual transition from relationally clueless introversion to relative witty sociability through the course of the years, owing to the influence of a girlfriend plus a fun barkada *, a faith which gave me confidence and optimism, three years with The Guidon, the later development of an ego and sense of professional self-assertiveness, and last but not least, having a weblog. People who’d known me through school barely recognized me a year after graduation due to my greater capacity for laughter and hirit*.
(* Build your Tagalog vocabulary! hirit: witty repartee, verb or noun. barkada: group of friends)
I didn’t turn into an extrovert, heavens, no; but I think I’ve learned some of the lessons that April learned: there’s no harm in taking the social initiative, in extending a hand and saying “Hi!” and risking awkwardness to make someone feel welcome.
Lately, however, I’ve felt rather out-of-my-element, and have pulled in a bit. Not that I ever stopped being an introvert anyway, but some of my old drawn-back ways have returned, and in many social situations these days, I rarely feel like expending the energy needed to reach out and talk. I think the reason is overworkedness. I’m still at the state where I was last month, and the more I fill my days and nights with work, the less time and energy I have to fill my mind and soul with things to share: Scripture, literature, art, music. (I don’t think I’ve actually finished a book in months.) Less in my soul means less overflow to the people around me, which means a quieter, sleepier, more reclusive Pau.
I’ll get through that to-do list of projects. I will. But only by his grace.