I found the store in Georgetown, near Wisconsin Ave. and N Street, and I found the hat bin, but the specific kind of hat I was looking for — a snug, round $8 Pakistani wool cap — was no longer there. The storeowner offered me instead a bulky multilayered Afghan affair with a flat beret-like top, for $15, but it would have made me look like a New York taxi driver, so I declined.

The whole time, I was IM’ing The Dane, who urged me to just go for a hip-hop doofus sports hat. I did check out the ones at Urban Outfitters on M Street, but they were too goofy, and too pricy. The only cheaper ones were Jamaican rainbow caps, which I had not the nerve to come close to. Yeah mon. (cue beachy reggae music)