Okay, here are the poll results on where you people put your hands while singing. It seems that the greatest number of you — 25% — can be seen holding hymnals. A close second at 23% comes the sinister and ominous action of resting your hands on the pew in front of you. Tied at third are the protective — almost defensive, wouldn’t you say? — action of folding arms over your chest, and the more happy-cheerful clapping of hands, 10% each. Only one person prefers to combine the lifting of one hand with one of the other actions, while, surprisingly, two of you keep your hands at strict attention. Awkward, don’t you think? As for the three of you who lift up both hands, I recommend lots of women’s deodorant. Rexona Cotton-Fresh. My favorite.

By the way, I am:

… 68% blogaholic.

… 52% geek.

… 9% raver.

… 26% goth.

… 10% punk.

My Hobbit name is Hob Goldworthy of Michel Delving.

My Pokename is Chutwo. I live in the snowy valleys of Kamchatka, and my diet consists mostly of grapes, TV dinners and beer. I can throw cosmic energy bolts and bricks. I breathe hot death and resist sledgehammers. I have a cell phone. My natural enemy is Voltcow.

My Jedi name is Ordpa Gapar, of the planet Verorab. Yes, my planet is named after a follow-up rabies vaccine.

My African name is Mahamid. (Although repeated tries also generated Shaft, Buckwheat, Shawasha, and Huggy Bear.)

My porn star name is X Diggler. (Again, repeated clicks gave me Dick Lustley, Seymour Caves, and Hard John Hunter.)

My reggae name is Bunny Natty.

My Hawaiian name is Paulo Olukoweka.

My Cyborg name means Positronic Artificial Unit Limited to Observation.

And of course, my Mr. T name is Fool.