Troubling Time

It’s been a troubling time for me lately, this whirlwind month of planning and transition. As I prepare to mail my applications to schools in the US, I am beset with worries of financial insufficiency, a drought of local employment prospects, parental opposition, and simple apprehension over the impending jump.

The questions pile up: Will I have enough money to last in the US? Will I be able to get a job and find a place to stay? What if my cash runs out? Where will I go? What will I do?

And the pressing question of the moment: When should I go?

It’s been hard finding a new job. None of my main employment prospects has returned a positive response, and the cash supply will soon be running low. Friends and relatives have advised me to make the move now, and look for better opportunities in the States, but my parents at the same time warn me that the recession has made jobs scarce and I may have nothing to fall back on as compared to waiting here.

I’m aiming to depart before March is done, as soon as the last application is sent — but as I said, there are certain family members who don’t want me going yet.

Well, as I told my Mom over lunch today, I’ve only made it this far living on my own — three years! — because of the Lord’s gracious will, and if not for His grace I would have fallen flat on my face years ago. So, I have laid my future plans at His feet in submission to His will, and by His grace, I trust that He will make this jump possible.

As I was riding home today, a Bible verse printed on the side of a jeepney caught my attention:

Trust in the Lord, and lean not on thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will set thy paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6

In all thy ways acknowledge Him! Oh, how those words cut to my very heart! What a faithless, sinful wretch I am, so undeserving! And yet in the midst of my unbelief, He steps in, with loving kindness, to comfort, to protect, and to guide. What a wondrous, wondrous Savior and Lord we have!

Why do I worry? Why do I fear? In all thy ways acknowledge Him! What better advice could I have received today than that?

My plans are as dust, my life but a vapor, but if the Lord wills it, I shall proceed, and submit to his guidance and will, with the trust that what happens is what He has planned, and what He has planned is always for the good of those who love Him.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. – Matthew 6:33.