Harry Potter Spoilers

Update, 2007: You may also be interested in my OMG EXCLUSIVE DEATHLY HALLOWS SPOILERS!!! JINKIES!!!

Stop reading if you haven’t finished Half-Blood Prince! STOP!

So now that Harry knows that Tom Riddle is (was?) James Potter, how will Harry deal with the fact that Voldemort is his father? (That is, after that agonized yell when Voldemort cut off his wand-wielding hand?) Will he have the nerve to face Voldemort, stand his ground, and redeem his father, or will he give in to the dark side… of his personality?

The hand issue means Harry will have to master wandless spellcasting, unless he can use his left hand, or does the infirmary grow back hands? Plus, he’ll have to make a new wand.

Hermione didn’t take the news that she is Harry’s long-lost sister too well, either — that means Voldermort is her father too. That knowledge quite nicely handles the question of who gets to be Hermione’s lover, at least: Ron, as soon as he’s unfrozen from the Carbonitus curse — if Hagrid and Neville are able to rescue him from Peter Pettigrew’s clutches.

This is a dark time for the wizarding world. Now Voldemort has really struck back.

DARTH Voldemort!


  1. Rod says:

    I’m waiting for Harry Potter and the Lake of Fire. Now that promises to be a REAL page turner.

  2. Bam says:


    Get some $%*^&@#ing whitespace between your spoiler warning and the actual spoiler. Invisotext it.

    Anything _other_ than a measly handful of pixels worth of vertical separation!

    You will pay for this Ordo. Oh yes, you will pay.

  3. Bam says:

    Oh. Damn. It.

    Now where did I put that furry Trek fanfic?

  4. Roy Jacobsen says:

    I was amazed to find out that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was dancing to the tune of an even darker Dark Lord: He-Who-Must-Not-Even-Be-Alluded-To. That bit of dialog between them via the fireplace was chilling: “The son of Potter must not become a Wizard.” “If he can be turned to the Dark Arts, he could be a powerful ally.”

  5. The Dane says:

    *groan* I can’t believe you had to add that update. In any case, I chuckle to read. Thanks.

  6. Paulo says:

    Rob – I’m sure Jack Chick is working on it right now.

    T. Dane – Okay, I killed the update.

    Roy – If we were to push the Star Wars parallels further, I’d say it would probably be Snape rather than Voldemort who’d be Vader, and Voldemort would be closer to Emperor Palpatine. Dumbledore, of course, is Kenobi, our Gandalf-esque mentor figure. Death Eaters are stormtroopers, Lucius Malfoy is Grand Moff Tarkin, Draco is Admiral Motti. I guess Remus Lupin, being furry and animalian at times, would be Chewbacca. Or maybe Hagrid.

  7. Jennifer says:

    Paulo!!! Bam is right- you should have had more white space between the warning and the post.


  8. Daniel says:

    If you used WordPress, you could have put the actual spoilers in the Read More area.

    Shame on you.

  9. Daniel says:

    Never mind. I get it.

  10. filmgoerjuan says:

    So the house elves are Ewoks? This is all starting to make sense!

  11. Roy Jacobsen says:


    I think we’re hammering a square peg into a round hole here. In my opinion, Snape = Vader doesn’t quite cut it, because in the story up to HBP, Snape is not clearly on the Good or Bad side; Dumbledore trusts him, but there’s enough ambiguity there to question who he’s really loyal to. In SW, Vader seems pretty clearly on the Dark side, although there are some rumblings of him not being entirely loyal to Palpatine in ESB.

  12. Daniel says:

    i think voldemort should be teh dark sidious, and snape vader because in star was darth vader iesnt entirely evil, in the end he was the one who killed the dark sidious

  13. vonjobi says:

    bwahaha! i felt safe reading the post despite the warning because i’d already read the book. i guess i’ll have to read the book again. i seem to have missed sooo much =)

  14. Teacher Sol says:

    I am also a fan. The book6 has been waiting for me beside my bed for a week now, haven’t opened it up yet :( Been busy with trainings here and there, and blogging too, haha. But I finished Books 1-5 and didn’t miss any of his movies. Now you are such a tease, I would really need to start with this book very very soon…

  15. Paul Robinson says:

    i can’t believe you ruined the book for me. why would you do that. do you enjoy this? i want to crawl in a hole and die!

  16. Paulo says:

    You do understand that this was all parody, right? That isn’t really how the book goes. Okay, I’ll spell it out: it’s Empire Strikes Back.