Darth Vader Versus Jar Jar Binks

I realize now that there is only one way to redeem the Star Wars prequel trilogy of its irreversible legacy of painfully sordid banality. And it is not just that Jar Jar Binks must die. No, that would not be nearly enough. The only way Lucas will get me to pay money to see Episode III is to have the dark, whiny central character of the series execute the prequel’s worst, most hated stereotype.

Darth Vader Killing Jar Jar BinksDarth Vader must kill Jar Jar Binks.

If Darth Vader were to slay Jar Jar Binks in cold blood, perhaps after a long, sadistic chase scene, I might be persuaded to watch the movie. And I want Vader, mind you, in black suit and helmet, and not Whiny Padawaaanakin Skywalker. Ah yes, I can picture it now…

<Vader breathing>

“ANI! Meesa likey da new outfit!”

“I find your lack of grammar disturbing.”

<Lightsaber sounds>


<Lightsaber sounds, wet splatters>

“You have annoyed me for the last time.”

<Vader breathing, steps fading into distance>

On a more serious note, Kottke has some interesting insights into character interaction in the original Star Wars trilogy.

Update: Darth Darth Binks. No further comment.