Pirate Can Opener

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Hooray for weekends. I am tired.

Today I did some chores and went to the grocery. Among the purchases made was a can-opener: the type that opens along the side of the can rather than the rim. “As seen on TV!” the packaging boldly proclaims. Okay. Like that makes it more credible. (I don’t have a TV to begin with.) I got it anyway, because it was cheaper than a regular can-opener (75 pesos as compared to 125), and the concept of opening a can from under and around the rim, rather than from the side, appealed to me on some strange, subconscious level I could not explain.

After unwrapping the can opener and titillating myself to no end by opening a can of Del Monte Fruit Cocktail, I noticed a strange warning on the cardboard package: CAUTION: The rim of the can be sharp.

The first thought that flitted through my brain was, The rim of the WHAT can be sharp? Then common sense cut in, and I realized there could be two possibilities:

1. The makers of the can opener ran the package design through a spell-checker, and it removed the double word in the sentence “THE RIM OF THE CAN CAN BE SHARP.”

2. The makers of the can opener are pirates, in which case, the caution should have read “AARRR!!! THE RIM OF THE CAN BE SHARP, MATEY!” But the packaging company corrected it for them.

(Perhaps this pirate can shed some light on this cryptic mystery.)

Okay, okay. I know that was corny. Speaking of corny, I have a corny Filipino joke to share with you. On second thought, because I’m such a nice hominid, I’ll share two corny Filipino jokes…

Once, there was a mommy fish and a baby fish. They loved each other very much. Then, one day, they were separated in a storm, and they didn’t see each other again for years. What did the baby fish say to the mommy fish when they met again?

Answer: “Mommy? Isda you?

* * *

A pregnant Filipino woman gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she wakes up sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother from the Philippines came in and named them.”

The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother… he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?”

“Denise,” the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, “Wow, not a bad name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like ‘Denise’!”

Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy’s name?”

The doctor replies, “Denephew.”

Busy Busy

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As you may have gathered from my last post, I am rather busy with work lately, and will be joining the ranks of bloggers who will be (or have been) offline for the next (last) few days/weeks.

Until then, go read something else. Maybe you can go do something fun:

Make anagrams.

Generate a complaint letter.

Look at some euphemisms.

Dialectize something.

Join PEX. (Plug, plug.)

And if you do join PEX, please be sure to vote for me! Hope you like Barry Manilow. (wiggle eyebrows)

I’ll see you all soon.

Bond – been there done that

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I’ve always maintained that the only thing worse than Vanessa Mae is Vanessa Mae times four. Pop string quartet “Bond” breaks into the music market with a debut CD album, “Born,” and a poorly written press release, creating a straw man of traditional classical music as “snobbish” and “old-school,” then attempting to defy that rather blatant stereotype with their own “unique” style of performance.

Bond’s mission is universal. Unconstrained by convention, appreciation of their music is international and ageless, requiring no prior knowledge of classical composers, no dress code and no old school snobbery. And as naturally talented and expertly trained performers, Bond refine their onstage act behind closed doors, secretly becoming a breathtakingly charismatic live unit.

In other words, they play the classics over a monotonous techno/new-age percussion beat, hoping to draw in the kiddies and get on MTV with their sexy image. “Original,” my foot. It’s been done before, mates, much to everyone’s cringing amusement.

Hurly Burly!

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After church yesterday, ******* and I went browsing through Book Wagon in Megamall for piano and guitar scores, and we found a book of popular English songs from the 18th Century. One particularly engaging tidbit was the score for Haydn’s Sailor Song, a delightful little ditty about the life of an English sailor. We sang along with it for a bit. (Best sung with a stentorian tenor voice. The more bombastic the better.)

High on the giddy bending mast

The seaman furls the rending sail,

And, fearless of the rushing blast,

He careless whistles to the gale.

Rattling ropes and rolling seas,

Hurlyburly, hurlyburly,

War nor death can him displease.

The hostile foe his vessel seeks,

High bounding o’er the raging main,

The roaring cannon loudly speaks,

‘Tis Britain’s glory we maintain.

‘Tis Britain’s glo-ory we maintain!

Rattling ropes and rolling seas,

Hurlyburly, hurlyburly,

Hurlyburly, hurlyburly,

Wa-ar nor de-eath can him displease,

can him displease!

I spent dinner at Hutu’s Hut in Rockwell for a Pinoyexchange moderators’ meeting, stuffing myself silly with “Pumba”, or lemon-grass porkchops — and earning myself an almighty grease-headache in the process. After the cab ride home, I was unpleasantly surprised to discover that the single P500 bill in my wallet was counterfeit. (And it had come from a bank ATM. Really, this country.) I had to rush up to my apartment to retrieve a real P500 bill to pay the fare — to a cab driver who didn’t have change. So I had to run to the village convenience store and get it changed. That didn’t help my headache.

When the mess had been untangled, I plopped into bed, once again without showering, hoping to sleep off my aching head. No sooner had my head hit the pillow when a stiff north wind started to blow into the window. Aaaahhh, a breath of fresh air was just the thing to help a tired man.

Then it started raining. Hard. The formerly welcome north wind began to blow water into my room as well as fresh air, and I was pelted with droplets. I was forced to close the windows to both air and water, and my room grew stuffy. My headache got worse, but I managed to doze.

I was awakened at 1.20 am by a mild earthquake. That didn’t help either.

Now I have to work. Bye-bye.

Determinedly Sedentary

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Today, I was determinedly sedentary, waking up at almost noon and generally lazing in my room and loitering about the web. I only left my room twice: once to bring my laundry to the wash, and the second time to get some pasta, mushrooms, and meat sauce at the grocery.

I’ve found that deliberate vegetation is not a pleasant feeling.

Pikachu!

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I have to get back to work now. While I’m gone, you can read my page in Pikachu-speak. It’s a whole new experience.

Supposititious

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Today’s vocabulary word is supposititious. Do you know what it means? No, neither do I. The definition in my GRE reviewer wasn’t too clear on it either. (Clue: It has nothing to do with suppositories.)

Update: Ah, here we go. Suppositious means “substituted with fraudulent intent; spurious; based primarily on surmise rather than adequate evidence.”

It is seriously pouring outside. And I just realized I forgot to close my windows at home this morning. I think I’m going to come home tonight to a drenched apartment.

So You Want to be an Interaction Designer

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So You Want to be an Interaction Designer. This article, linked from peterme, is a godsend, because it’s exactly the field I’ve been planning to enter when I go for graduate school. I continue to pray for the Lord’s leading in this endeavor.

On a lighter note, davezilla has declared this week “Drive Your Pets Insane Week.” I personally can vouch for the efficacy of laser pointers in driving kittens insane. Tommie and Foxe cannot resist pouncing on the red dot from my laser pointer.

Stiff Gale and a Light Shower

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There’s a typhoon passing through the Philippines today. Outside, it’s dark and gray, with a stiff gale and a light shower; just the kind of inclement weather I love, perfect for cozying up in the office with a tall hazelnut latte while the blustery wind blows outside the window.

Oh, and advanced Happy Fourth of July to you guys in the U.S. :)

Common Sense on the Throne

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“In essence, Jesus says, ‘Continue steadily on with what I have told you to do, and I will guard your life. If you try to guard it yourself, you remove yourself from My deliverance.” Even the most devout among us become atheistic in this regard — we do not believe Him. We put our common sense on the throne and then attach God’s name to it.” – Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

I have been guilty of this. I have, in my planning sessions, looked at the options for my future and weighed them in terms of their monetary and temporal advantages. I have chosen the easiest, cheapest, most convenient, or most expedient courses, and then called that my destined path, the will of God. But it should not be so.

I have failed, in this process of planning, to first listen to the Lord, and then act on what He says. Rather, I have forged ahead without leaning upon His guidance, and then asked Him to bless what I come up with on my own. And I admit, I often omit His guidance out of fear: fear that He will tell me to put aside my plans, put aside my ties to worldly things, drop my possessions and relationships, and walk a narrow, narrow path of suffering and sacrifice for Him.

Lord, teach me to follow You wholeheartedly, to walk Your steps and not my own. Only by following Your path will I find true, lasting joy.