Bad Similes and Metaphors

Cringe-inducing figures of speech. (Googled from an an entry by Sara.)

My personal favorites:

The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19 a speed of 35mph.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.