Before I watch the new Planet of the Apes, I feel it necessary to refresh my memory of the old Charlton Heston film, as the last time I saw it was as an uninterested child. Lacking a television and DVD player at home, however, I will simply have to settle for these nutshell synopses of the original movie and its sequels.

Oh, great. Well, seeing as how Ernie over here has spoiled the ending, I might as well find out how the whole thing goes. WHAT?! No half-buried Statue of Liberty?! DAAAMN YOUUU!!!