Apparently there is a movie with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock called The Lake House coming out tomorrow. (Amee tells me it’s a remake of another Korean film called Il Mare.) I really can’t help but think back to the last big movie to feature these two actors (much like how, as a child, I thought anything with Christopher Reeve in it had to be a Superman sequel), and I started thinking up wild plot twists to explain the whole “living two years apart” storyline, mostly centering on relativistic space-time distortion scenarios involved in traveling at near-light speeds. So here is my brief treatment of The Lake House as bad sci-fi Speed sequel.

Remember that according to special relativity, space and time dilate for an observer traveling at higher velocities. What if the great speeds involved in the first two movies caused a variation on the Twin Paradox, with the two characters becoming separated from each other by a gap in time, linked only by a heretofore undiscovered twist in the cosmic fabric which links their frames of reference, manifested as the mysterious mailbox which sends their letters through the two year pause? (Update: Oh, Jack the female dog plays a part in this too? Maybe dogs are immune to relativity, since they don’t know any math.)

I even have a movie poster all ready: